- I just broke up with someone and the last thing he said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want to find someone like you again?"
- The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue
- As u grow older ur secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either
- Forget Health Food. I’m at an age where i need all the preservatives i can get.
- I would be unstoppable. If i could just get started.
- For every girl with a broken heart there is boy somewhere with a gluegun.
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
- A day without sunshine is like, night.
- Always listen to your wife, she gives sound advice : 99% Sound and 1% Advice….
- Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
- Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.
- Double your drive space. Delete Windows!
- Learn from your parents’ mistakes: use birth control.
- Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
- Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
- What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
- We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
- Love is holding hands in the street. Marriage is holding arguments in the street.
- Love is cuddling on a sofa. Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.
- Love is going to bed early. Marriage is going to sleep early.
- Tv has no place in love. Marriage is a fight for remote control.
- People say that love is in every corner i must be walking in circles
- X Is fed up of having a sexual relationship with his right hand
- People say nothings impossible-- try slamming a revolving door!
- If u think ur life is ****** up, then it isnt your life but you who has got ****** up
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